Where did the quiet amicable child go?

I wrote previously about the small tantrums which as of the present have evolved into thermal nuclear temper tantrums.  Ok, compared to what I've seen elsewhere, they really are not that bad, but surely feel that way when you are in public.

You often hear people talk about their love of infants, the newborn smell, and holding the tiny little bundle.  I'll admit, it is endearing, and I loved my daughter no less as a result, but honestly, I just find the infant age so boring.  They are too young to respond to anything you really do - and 99% of the time, that smile you think you saw, was likely gas.  For me - I like the 1 - 5 year mark, that's when they are really fun.

My daughter's is 21 months and her independence and personality are growing and blossoming.  She runs to me for hugs, gives me kisses on the cheek and waves bye-bye when it's time for me to leave Daycare in the morning so she can run off to play with her friends.  She looks at me with adoration and is constantly working to impress me with something or pull out a book or toy to play with.  She gets to watch 30 minutes of Treehouse (A Canadian childrens' network) in the evenings while I prepare dinner and it's a great feeling when she sits on the couch and pats the seat beside her motioning for me to join her for a bit. 

Don't misunderstand my glowing adoration for my daughter.  Along with the growing intelligence and sweet personality hides a Mr. Hyde.  As my child continues to experiment with cause an effect, we find sometimes a little troll emerges who stomps her feet, slams the floor and screams when she doesn't get something she wants.  In her defence, it's sometimes out of pure frustration with Mom & Dad.  I mean, why don't Mom and Dad get it, how much more clear could "ah da baba ba galk" be?  They just don't get me.... famous words of a future teenager.  Don't get me wrong, I don't struggle with dealing with the episodes, nonetheless, it doesn't mean I would prefer to avoid them.

And as frustrating as it can be at times with the tantrums - toddlerhood is still my favourite age.  I really enjoy seeing that little personality grow and establish itself, new words that flow from their mouths, and laughter that emerges as she finds delight in something.  Even the little fits that drive me a little crazy, oddly enough I enjoy because I know its her attempts to assert herself and communicate with me.  I smirk when I see the tiny little pants, shirts and socks and the funny way they run.  If I could have my way, lock them in a cycle for the next 7 years, and that way I can avoid teenager hood.

(Exclaimer -- not a real picture of my daughter, but you get the idea)

How the Grinch almost stole my Christmas

          Even though we had purchased our Christmas tree on December 2nd (tradition is the first weekend of December) we finally decorated it on the 10th. Down with the flu, no one in the family was interested in decorating the tree. Infact, much of the feeling of festivity has been missing from our home this year. This is a new development as in years past we have always been cheerful around Christmas time. I've always loved buying a fresh tree so that the smell would permeate throughout our home. This year in particular I've been really looking forward to my daughter's reaction to the lights and decorations on the tree (she was impressed by the way). However, something has been missing this year, and I'm not sure if it is the additional commitments in the schedule, or, maybe I'm just getting older. It's actually frustrating because I used to LOVE the feeling of Christmas being in the air and getting out to celebrate. As a fact though, this year I find myself somewhat wanting to do the opposite and withdraw from the "Holiday world."

          So what's changed? I don't think it is because I'm a year older, or that there is a bit of stress with a newer child in the home (I would have thought it would make it more fun). Work is much the same as before. Albeit I've had the flu for the better half of November and December, that really hasn't dampened my spirts before. I don't think it's because my head isn't screwed on quite right. I don't think, perhaps that my shoes are too tight. I don't think the most likely reason of all is that my heart is two sizes too small. I realized that it was my desire to withdraw that was calling attention to the issue. I've been wanting to escape "the holiday".  As a society we really don't celebrate Christmas anymore, it's all about the "holiday".  Without Christmas, there never would have been a holiday.  There is an attempt to appease too many by changing the nature of the season and defining it as a holiday.  Developing it around about good cheer (pfft, more like Scrooges lately), parties, friends.  Many stores have adopted the absurd notion of displaying and advertising Christmas decorations and sales as early as October.  The reality is, it's become about shopping, shopping, parties, stress, commitments (some that is) that you don't really want to attend, dinners, parties, and more shopping. The Grinch has escaped and is shouting at the top of his lungs, the "noise, noise, NOISE." No wonder we are all burned out before Christmas day has arrived.

          The purpose in my muse is not to harp on how consumerism has taken over - that can clearly be seen by the disruption of Thanksgiving by Black Friday shopping. I just find myself lamenting over the lack of focus on the real reason behind why we celebrate Christmas. Here is the funny part that I don't think anyone saw coming. For years and years, we've been taught that Christmas is about the passing of gifts, that "the true spirit of Christmas is to give." And that is where I think it began, a perfect storm of consumerism with the inherent need to give (thanks to our upbringing) - and that is where I think we've started to become lost. 30+ years ago, you didn't wake up to a Christmas tree stuffed with "Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums! Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!" So what has happened?

          I've been observing a small but growing shift among those of us who recognize the season is not about presents and parties. It's about celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus (Sorry to my atheist / agnostic friends, but Christ is the reason for the season). I'm starting to see a rejection of the mass commercialism and heavy focus on consumerism.  It's not all about the amount of presents under the tree. Indeed, the spirit of giving is a still apart of the season - but it's only a small part.  I've heard and read that some are trimming their shopping budgets in general, others are donating their shopping funds to charitable causes. Some families are only giving a couple of presents to the children (no adult gifts).

          I'll be honest, my wife and I used to spend ridiculous amounts of money on each other at Christmas. A big expensive tree, decorations and oodles of presents underneath it. And for what? This isn't the Christmas that I want my daughter to learn and know. Please don't get me wrong, I still want to see her face Christmas morning(s) to see what Santa has left for her under the tree. I still want as a family to pick out and decorate the tree with Christmas carols playing in the background and the smell of rice pudding cooking on the stove. I still want to sit down and watch the movie  “A Christmas Story”.

          The Grinch and I, we're in one accord after some introspection. "What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” And that's really it - and so, I hope and pray that I can teach my daughter that Jesus is the centre of Christmas. Who knows, maybe by removing all the "holiday" noise and focusing on God I can reignite my passion again for Christmas.